I always ask myself whether happiness is a feeling or just a thought. I can tell myself I am happy every day and eventually I may start to believe it myself. I am 24 years old and I am still trying to figure out what happiness is. I have glimpses of happiness when I am experiencing new things or when I am accomplishing something. I have every material thing I want at the age of 24, but a lot of times I still feel empty and unhappy. I’ve realized that is when I find myself going out and partying, finding short term happiness, thinking that will solve everything. Sometimes I find myself down because I feel like I should be somewhere else doing bigger things. I find myself not sleeping because I am over-hinking every situation. For weeks I sat around trying to figure out what I should be doing with my life to find true happiness; I still don’t have the answer. However, I knew I had to find a starting point if I was going to figure it out. So I started to retrace my steps figuring out what made me happy. I knew it wasn’t money or material things. I told myself maybe I need a girlfriend, but then I realized that only I can make myself happy. I can’t depend on someone else for that. I called my brother Alex and had a long talk with him just because I knew he would give me great advice, but even after that conversation I still felt lost. I used to always tell myself “I can’t wait to get out of college and not have to do homework or take tests. My mom always told me be careful what you wish for. She was right; now I think of going back to school often. I prayed all the time throughout the day and asked God to help me find happiness. Finally one day I sat down and I wrote out goals for myself and I didn’t tell anyone. I just knew I wanted to accomplish more things in life, so when I started to take steps towards my goals and my dreams I started to find happiness. I think this was because I was finally doing what I wanted. For so long I would always take everyone else’s advice but never my own. I also realized I put my happiness in people and things instead of myself and my dreams. I am 24 and I haven’t accomplished many of my goals yet, but I am taking steps towards the things I want to accomplish and will continue on, no matter how long it takes. No matter what path we take, it is worth the work and the waiting as long as we are working towards our life’s goals; all that matters is that we don’t give up. People used to always ask me what I wanted to be and I would say “I don’t know” because I never wanted them to judge me. As I get older I realize everyone has a reason to exist on this Earth and it is our job to figure it out. I always wanted to graduate from college and instantly have life figured out. I realize now that I can’t have the meaning of life figured out when I don’t have myself figured out. I used to always think I had all the answers; now I know I don’t have any answers, I barely know the questions. I understand people tell you all the time never to give up on your dreams, but if you want long term happiness truly go after what you want. No dream or goal is ever to small. When going down your own path understand you will run into many bumpy roads and road blocks, but you can’t stop, you have to push and push because there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. I dislike the saying “it’s too late”; there is no such thing as too late. Thankfully, I’ve only just begun.
What is happiness?
21 Friday Mar 2014
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